My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
