Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
