Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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