I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
