she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
