I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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