I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
