i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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