this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
