A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I supernannyed him into submission
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
