So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
