The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
