Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
