I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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