Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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