ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
