he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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