so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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