Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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