If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
