I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
