I can't breathe out the right side of my face
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
