I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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