I'm drive I can fine osifer
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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