By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I need moral support for this bender
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?