nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly