I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.