those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My dad just said "fuck circus"