i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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