saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.