i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
