Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize