So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
