its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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