The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
zippers are such a cool invention
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sober January is a disaster.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
