yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
