Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
