I love black thongs
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
