The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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