I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
