So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
