I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
