She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
