this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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