when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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