She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
