Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
