You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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