You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
