Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
