Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
