i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
bring money and cleavage
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
