Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
