just tell him i said nine months
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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