I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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