Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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