listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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