I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
