so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
