Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
