somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
