You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
