I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
