I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
