Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
