One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
