You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
