my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
