it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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